Post #48- I am Light

Spirituality 101: We are responsible for our own lives. I hate to start off with such a hard truth, but the sooner who can receive this, understand it and be ok with it, the sooner we get on “living” rather than simply being alive. 

Yes, no doubt, we are all born into different sets of circumstances. Yes, I agree; some folks are born into loving families with the means to provide the best the world has to offer while others are born into the world with more than their fair share of odds stacked against them. However, there’s really nothing we can do about the conditions in which we were born. As yet another cliché says, it’s not the hand we’re dealt but the way we play the cards that really matter. Again, I wholeheartedly believe in advocacy for the least among us (I personally want to leave the world in better shape than how I found it), but when we are examining the path and options of own lives, we must give up all excuses and do the best we can with what we’ve got.

Wait a minute! What does all of this have to do with relationships?  This lesson, I believe, serves us well when considering relationships. Likewise, some of us have had more than our fair share of bad relationships and lousy partners. However, if we do a gut check, with full honesty and transparency, we’d have to admit that “we” are the common denominator among them all. So, before we can fully move toward the beauty of a spiritual partnership (read yesterday’s post), we must first take full responsibility for our role in the bad relationship(s) of the past.

The blame-game does us no good. In fact, last year when I sat in the rumbles and ruins of my last relationship (ending after five years), instead of coming up with a list of things he had done wrongly, I instead decided to (or rather, was led to) come up with a list of 5 or so things I could have done better (and to my great shock, the list swelled to almost 20 things….seriously God??).  Still today, when I am tempted to point out his faults and mistakes, I am reminded that any negative words laced with poisonous energy that I might have toward him, will only come back to sabotage my own sense of wellbeing and hopes of attracting the “right” one into my life (as my mother so eloquently says…”Karma is a bitch!”).

The one thing I hope you can take away from this post is this small but powerful truth….the success of our relationships has much more to do with “us” than it does with “them.” In fact, who “they” are is none of “our” business. Our job in a spiritual partnership is not to nag someone into spiritual maturity, but offer ourselves and our lives as both a mirror and catalyst for their growth (believe me, if it’s right, it’ll happen naturally). This doesn’t mean that we don’t ask questions, offer suggestions, have open dialogue and even challenge our partners at times, but it does mean we must be very aware of our own subtle and unconscious attempts at manipulating our beloveds into doing or being what we see fit, rather than what God sees fit.

In the end, spiritual partnerships are about love and surrender. In fact, sometimes we must love someone enough to surrender them, or let them go. We must know that some folks simply aren’t interested in having a spiritual partnership (no matter how much we want them to be, usually due to how fine/cute/sexy we think they are). We can’t manipulate or force someone into spiritual growth or a grown-up relationship with us. There are SOOOOOOO many of us out here who are unhappy, putting up with neglect, bad behavior and down right abuse in hopes that someone will change. In fact, we may even try to change them.

This is a mistake. I’ve been guilty of it….. sometimes I’ve found myself loving the other person more than they love themselves.  Take it from me, this will not work . It takes two committed “equals” to be in a spiritual partnership and what I’ve just described isn’t "equal" but rather a parasite sucking the blood from its host. Don’t be a parasite and certainly don’t be the host. 

We must love ourselves enough to stand in a sense of dignity and divinity, while disallowing folks from treating us poorly. We must know that we are worthy of better! We are made in God’s image, and thereby we should permit that image to shine forth in the dark night of relationship chaos. Hear these words from the song “I am Light” from India Arie’s latest album:

I am light, I am light

I am not the things my family did
I am not the voices in my head
I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside

I am light, I am light

I'm not the mistakes that I have made or any of the things that caused me pain
I am not the pieces of the dream I left behind

I am light, I am light

Being a spiritual partner is rooted in a commitment to spiritual growth…our own and that of our partner. However, we must come to grips with the fact that some people simply aren’t ready for our light. Meaning, we can’t move them faster than they are ready to go or God is ready for them to go, nor should we put up with the foolishness of someone who isn’t ready or able to be in a grown-up relationship.

So, in the meantime, we must prepare. We must look within ourselves for the healing of our past. We must allow God to do what God needs to do, and we must trust God/The Universe to perfectly put in place the path that will lead to peace.

Finally, we must SURRENDER and know that if a special someone doesn’t come along, we are totally whole, complete and at peace within ourselves. It’s only this type of inner peace and outer confidence that can attract a true spiritual partner. For…

This is not the end of your story. Your best days are not behind you; they are ahead of you. Spiritual Partnerships require a deep examination of ourselves, for grown-up relationships are more about “us” than they are about “them.” Love yourself wholly, love your partner intentionally and together enjoy all of the  #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan)