"Call a thing a thing people!" ~Iyanla Vanzant
FEEL--> DEAL --> HEAL.
This has become a popular adage in recent years that helps to articulate the
process to living lives that are full and whole and healed and healthy.
Although this statement was coined to simplify the spiritual, mental, and
emotional healing process, I can’t agree that it meets that objective. I can
concur to the overall flow of that this model represents, however, I think it
falls prey to the same problem that many others do when to express a spiritual
truth in a simple cliché. It remains well intentioned, yet offers only a
shallow explanation to those of us who really
seek to evolve, grow and become the very best “us” we can be.
So, in looking at this paradigm of healing, I
don’t profess to be “the” authority or even an expert in all things Feel, Deal
and Heal, yet I would like to contribute my 2 cents, that, if added to the
contributions of others, might help offer a fuller, more complete picture of
what it really means.
I’d like to start with (and possibly end with)
the first step…. “FEEL.” There have been volumes written about how to “deal”
with uncomfortable situations. There is a plethora of voices, both spiritual and secular, offers tips and techniques that instruct us on dealing
with our past while managing our present. There are probably an equal number of
resources that offer idyllic examples of what a “healed” life might look like.
However, I think you’d be hard pressed to actually find many meaningful sources
that aid us in how to first “feel” before we can deal or heal.
We live in a society that often robs us of
feeling. It’s seems to tell women
what and how to feel, and in return it disapproves of men feeling anything at
all (or at least it doesn’t give men permission to express that which they feel, especially if it’s not a traditionally
masculine emotion such as anger).
While there is a lot to say, may I begin by simply offering acceptance
as a place to start?
I have learned the hard way to simply “accept.”
I am a “pull yourself up by the boot straps” kind of person. In fact this was
told to me through a ‘prophesy’ or
word of knowledge given by a Pentecostal evangelist when I was 18 years old. At
the time I wasn’t sure what she meant, yet, as my life has unfolded, it has
become painfully aware that this has been a pattern that has shown itself time
and time again. Granted, I have an
old-fashioned country work ethic. I have never been afraid of hard work and
have worn this fact as a badge of honor. However, another word for this attribute
is “head-strong” or “stubborn.” If I see something or want something I work
tirelessly to get it….even to the detriment of myself and family. Without
consulting the Spirit or flow of my life, I have forced many square pegs into
circle holes.
My strong work ethic, aka stubbornness, has
consistently resulted in a tiresome, weary life full of denial and regret.
Instead of accepting what is, fully seeing and recognizing the truth, my truth, I have spent many years
denying what was staring me in the face, to only be convinced if I worked hard
enough I could make “it” somehow different from what was.
So, today I ask you to look around…take survey
of your life. What have you been in denial of? What, if you were acknowledged
what you really knew deep within, is the truth of the situation? What is it?
Ok, hold that thought….sit with that emotion, and accept it.
Accepting it doesn’t mean you have to like it,
nor does it mean you don’t desire to change it. But before you can genuinely
feel (much less deal and heal) you must first accept. To feel is to first
accept. Accept without regret; accept without wallowing or loosing yourself in
the pain of the past or present, or without being paralyzed by the fear of the
future. Accept means to see it, tell the truth about it, do your best not to
judge it, and remain present for whatever experience that truth comes to bring
you. For to deny and resist and
fight what is, does not help you, for after any natural disaster, no clean up
or recovery effort can begin until a full survey of the damage has been
assessed. To deny that the storm has occurred or that the injury exists is, for
a lack of better words, foolish and
no doubt, self-sabotaging. So,
remember….
This is not the end of your story. Your best days are not
behind you; they are ahead of you. You must feel before you can deal and
heal, but with feeling comes fully accepting the reality of what is without the
unnecessary judgment or drama. For, accessing and thereby accepting the truth
of our lives won’t destroy us, but only strengthen us for all of the #bigthingscoming.
Feeling and Accepting,
~Ray
NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read
my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments
here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash
tag #bigthingscoming.
(Copyright,
2013, Ray Jordan)
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