Both my biggest obstacle and my best gift is my propensity
to think. In fact, I “think” that I probably THINK too much. But I always have.
I have always had a tendency to deeply consider the true meaning of things,
including the ultimate question of the universe…..(cue the music) the meaning of life (dum, dum,
duuummmm!!). Unfortunately, the occasion of my birthday is no different.
I have always had a precarious relationship with my
birthday. Growing up, my family didn’t make much of birthdays. Not due to religious
reasons, but we just didn’t. I was lucky to get a half-hearted “happy
birthday,” and a homemade cake (but only if I asked). In fact, I only had one
birthday party as a child, at the age of nine. My second and last birthday
party was at the age of 30. It was a surprise party thrown by, my then, partner
(thanks Lawrence!!).
Today, my birthday has become a reminder of my age and what
I haven’t accomplished. Yes, I know. Nobody likes a pity-party, so I won’t
invite you to one. However, I simply want to make the point that my life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.
I wasn’t suppose to be a
divorced parent of three, a former “DL” pastor who is recovering from financial
ruin. Does that sound familiar? How many of us are living a life we didn’t plan?
How many of us are experiencing circumstances we didn’t expect? Awwww, such is
life!
I know I’m not alone, but I can honestly say it wasn’t
supposed to be like this!! At this age, I was supposed to have accomplished
much more! I was supposed to have traveled to many more places! I was supposed
to have been on the fast track to success and wealth and achievement (everyone
predicted it). But I am where I am…and somehow and someway, I must be ok with
it.
No, my life
hasn’t gone according to plan…but whose does? No, there are many more things I
want to accomplish…but if there weren’t what kind of life would I be living?
So, in order not to make this post too long (I’ll continue investigating my
birthday blues in later posts), I’ll simply say: life is a journey. Better yet, it is an experience.
Episcopal priest and theologian, Barbara Brown Taylor,
says we shouldn’t see life as a journey, but rather as a sailboat ride. The idea of journey, she insists, indicates we start
at one place but only to be satisfied when arrive at the final destination (and
what would that destination be, anyway…death?) However a sailboat ride indicates
a “to-and-fro,” an experience of adjusting and modifying and responding to what
is, even if it’s not what was expected.
So…..on this my (gulp!) 36th birthday (you don’t
know how much it pains me to say/type it…but more about that in a later blog),
I offer you these words:
This is not the end of our
story. Our best days are not behind us; they are ahead of us. Yes, life may not be what we
planned, but it is what it is! So,
our job is not to judge it, but make the best of it! Hang in there, trust that
things are unfolding the way they should and know that there are #bigthingscoming.
NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read
the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or
comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using
the hash tag #bigthingscoming.
(Copyright,
2015, Ray Jordan)
