Post #71- Change, Part 5: Learning to Trust Myself Again

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“Have you met you? I have and I think you’re amazing!”

~Spoken to me by a friend.

As I type this I’m sitting in my church’s sanctuary listening to my 9-year old rehearse with the children’s choir. Their sweet melodic voices remind of the innocence of childhood (I’ve even been known to shed a tear or two when they sing during worship service….especially when my baby has a solo. I’m a sap, I know!). I don’t know about you, but when I take an honest inventory of my childhood I can remember a pure innocence and virtuousness about myself. Upon reflection, I can remember being my full and truest self, that is until someone told me that who I was, was not good. Unfortunately I believed them and hence lost touch with myself somewhere along the way.

Today I want to wrap up our conversation regarding change (if you haven’t read or listened to the previous posts, please see posts #66-70; I think they’ll be a blessing to you!). I can feel change in the air. While I know that change is not always easy or comfortable, I also know that I must embrace it, for this world is a world of movement, and time waits for no one. In fact, the only thing constant about life is that we can always count on change. So, I choose to embrace the beauty and excitement of change, knowing that the pleasure of what I’m gaining will far outweigh the pain of what might be lost.

When weathering the winds of change, however, I’m reminded that the most formidable ally I have is “me.” I believe we are co-creators of life, and that in the final analysis, this “universe is a friendly universe” (quote attributed to Albert Einstein). In other words, God has done God’s part and now we must do ours, which in large part includes excavating the depths of our own soul, creating new meaning out of our lived experience and releasing the passion, purpose, and power that lies within.

I’m the first to admit that this can be more easily said than done. Meaning, while I am fully persuaded that there are unfathomable depths of wisdom within my own soul I am also well aware that I have made some grave mistakes along life’s journey. These mistakes have no doubt been due to my not being in touch with and thereby following the wisdom within, nevertheless they have left me estranged from my best friend and ally… “me.” So, as I weather the winds of change, maneuver the maze of life, and seek to rise victorious through the warfare life’s transitions can seemingly be (is that enough metaphors for ya?), I must learn to trust myself again.

This can be a scary notion because I haven’t always been true to myself, which has lead to self-destructive behavior and poor decisions, all at attempts to find validation and acceptance by others. However, I must get back to me. I must find my center and remain true to my life’s journey and soul’s calling.

For example, as I sit here in the sanctuary of my church, if I allowed myself to be, I could be anxiety-filled and engulfed in sadness. Let me explain….I grew watching The Cosby Show and consequently created a mental image of what family was and is “suppose” to be. My church (one of my churches, I happened to be bi-congregational, which is another story) happens to be a congregation that is known for having more than its more than fair share of affluent black families, or in other words, the kind of family I have always envisioned for myself. However, this was not meant to be for me. This was not meant to be my life. I tried to create it for myself, and in fact I did so pretty successfully, but there was one little problem. I’m gay, and contrary to popular opinion among many circles, it wasn’t my choice; I was born this way. Therefore, the ‘mom-dad-kids’ model was not meant to be my life and I have to be ok with that. In order to have peace with myself and the world around me, I have to be at peace with it.

Trying to create the “perfect” family, I was crazed with feelings of inadequacy and driven by deep insecurity and it literally almost derailed my life (I could write a book, believe me!). By being out of touch with my truest self, I became estranged from myself and driven by the most fearful parts of my ego, which lead to a life in turmoil. So, as I now strive to live out of my soul, be lead by love and not fear, and best discern my life’s path, I’m occasionally hesitant to use my greatest resource….me, because quite frankly I haven’t always been a good friend to myself. Nonetheless, if I’m to be spiritually attuned to the best life that “I” can live, I must be able to trust me again.

I am changing. We are changing. We are shedding the old and embracing the new. We are walking in new territory and experiencing new people, places and things. I am meant to live a great life, however it’s not necessarily a life that I have envisioned for myself based on some abstract idea of what it is suppose to be. Rather, there is a life purposed for me and I must be intimately acquainted with it. I must disabuse myself of the idea that any other life can be better than one that is destined for me and thereby forgive myself for neglecting it. For… 

This is not the end of my story. My best days are not behind me; they are ahead of me. I am changing but to do so well, I must trust myself again, for if I don’t I’ll lose my best friend, my most strongest and miss all of the #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2014, Ray Jordan)

 The One and Only

Jennifer Hudson

"I am Changing"

Post #70- Change Part 4: Desperate For It!

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“Desperate times call for desperate measures”

~English Proverb

A couple of years ago a new phase popped up in urban vernacular. I remember when I first heard the term “thirsty” and thought, “what does that mean?” I have two teenage children so I try to keep up with what’s going on in urban and pop culture, so today when I hear someone described as being thirsty I am fully aware it is not meant as a compliment but as a way of saying someone is being or acting “desperate.”

Apparently among young people and their dating scenarios the last thing one wants to be is “thirsty,” however I’ve got a few years on the teenyboppers (the fact I just used the word ‘teenybopper’ should attest to that) and I’ve come to believe that desperation isn’t all that bad. In fact, in regards to change, one must be desperate for it.

I smell change in the air. I feel for me and I believe for many others, there is a transition happening. It’s simply time for something different, something new, something higher…something greater. If you are within that cohort, if you want a change, need a change, feel it’s time for a change then the last few posts (posts #66-69) have been just for you.

I believe The Universe offers us many opportunities or invitations to meet our purpose and rise to our best and highest selves. Within these opportunities we dance with the Divine and partner with God to move forward in our lives. Praise and worship is an invitation to dance with the Divine, meet our soul’s purpose and rise to our highest self. I believe education can be an invitation as can our relationships with friends and loved ones. Indeed, challenges and difficulties is such an invitation as can a myriad of other life experiences. Likewise, I’d like to suggest that desperation is also an invitation to be our best selves. Our “thirst” for change also serves as an opportunity to embrace our soul’s purpose and dance with God.

I’m the first to admit that desperation is not comfortable and is rarely pretty, but it’s necessary because it pushes us to places we might not otherwise go. If we are truly ready for change and thirsty for more, we must be desperate enough to….

• Tell the truth…facing the whole truth about ourselves and our experiences while refusing to live a lie, tell a lie, or nurse any untruth about ourselves. We must claim and live our truth. We have to be desperate enough to be vulnerable. We have to stop hiding behind our past so that we might embrace the reality and promise of our present and future.
• Forgive….giving up the hope that the past could have been any different while freeing ourselves from the prison of yesterday. We have to be desperate enough to tell a different story about ourselves and simply let it go.
• Take a risk….when we feel a move or decision is genuinely and honestly for us. We must be desperate enough to make a move and take a risk without being overwhelmed with the thoughts of what might be lost, but rather focus on what there is to be gained.
• To be out of the norm…..to go against the grain. We must be desperate enough to look “thirsty.” We must not value “swag” over spiritual integrity. Meaning, we must be true to ourselves. We must be authentically who we are and not paralyzed by the fear of what others say or think.

I don’t know about you, but I’m desperate for change. Our country needs it; our worlds needs. Nevertheless, I’m reminded of an old hymn, “Let There Be Peace on Earth, and Let it Begin with Me.” Yes, our world needs change but so does my life. I can’t effectively change the world without first experiencing a change within myself. As I change within, that energy will change my life and my life will affect the world. So, call me thirsty if you’d like, that’s fine. I just know that I’m desperate for change, aren’t you? For….

This is not the end of our story. Our best days are not behind us; they are ahead of us. I’m ready for a change! It’s time for a transition and I’m desperate enough to do what it takes, because I believe there are  #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2014, Ray Jordan)

The One and Only

Gladys Knight

"Let There Be Peace on Earth"

Post #69- Change, Part 3: Just Move

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(if you're listening, forgive the background noise...my 9yr. old)

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

We must be fully persuaded and thoroughly convinced that God is working right now, that the universe is rising up to meet us right where we are.

~Ray Jordan, Post #68

All we have is right now. That’s it! The most important step is our next one and the most important moment is the one we’re living right now. Why? Because truly the present is all we have.  While this may be a hard truth, it’s a necessary one and once truly understood, I believe it can be a liberating one.

So much of our time is spent reliving the mistakes of the past….playing the loop of “woulda-coulda-shoulda” over and over again.  Or the past, for many of us, represents some grand accomplishments of yesteryear or the “good ole days.” In either case, we’re left imprisoned by an illusion. The smoke and mirrors of our ego have left us believing that it could have somehow been some other way or could have been different or that our life would somehow be made better if we could just go back and recapture some former glory.

Similarly, others of us are left fawning for some mystical future (even if it’s the afterlife) in which we might find some relief, joy, pleasure or peace. In which case we’re left paralyzed in a holding pattern, waiting for God or death or some other life happening before we can finally be happy.

If I were honest (and I vowed to be when beginning this blog) I can admit to having found myself in both scenarios.  I still struggle with moments in which I feel deep regret for the mistakes of my past or experience impatience as I wait for my “path” to begin. However, when I am my highest and best self, when I am fully aware and conscious I realize that either is not only unproductive but harmful and unhealthy to my sense of self and life’s mission. I have come to understand that God/The Universe is using my ‘right now’ to unfold my life’s destiny. In other words, whatever I am experiencing right now within my career, relationships, family dynamics, finances, etc., is nothing more than training ground to unfold and develop my purpose. In other words, I don’t have go back in the past to fix anything to have fulfilled my life’s purpose; those things are a part of my life’s trajectory. I don’t have to wait for my path to begin; I’m already on the path.

I’m an educator by training and a teacher at heart, so sometimes communicating through written text is difficult because I’m accustomed to being in front of my audience where I can easily check for understanding (which is why posting your comments and questions is always welcomed). So, I hope that as you read these words you are experiencing them as powerfully as I am typing them.  I want to you feel in your soul that you are living in eternity right now. Eternity means to have no beginning or end. So, we don’t have to wait for heaven to live in eternity, we are in eternity right now. That’s why the present moment is so important. What you do with your ‘right now’ is the most important decision before you. Therefore, in our conversation regarding change, your action is crucial.

Change is in the air. Not change for change’s sake, but I believe we are called to discern this time in our life and be aware of the zeitgeist, asking ourselves where the wind of change and transition can be found in our lives and the world. God is a god of movement. The universe is one of ultimate unfolding and perpetual progression. In life, there’s no such thing as coasting. Either we are progressing or digressing, moving forward or falling behind. If we are committed to being the best we can be, to seeing God’s will for us (as Jesus taught) on earth as it is in heaven, then we are committed to moving forward. However, let’s not be mistaken, our future is not determined tomorrow, it’s determined today.

The power of action as it relates to change has two sides to be considered. Practically speaking, today we are living yesterday’s actions (good, bad, or ugly). Our lives today consist of the decisions we made in the past. Our futures, therefore, will consist of what we are doing today. However, there is also a powerful supernatural spiritual principle to be understood.  God is a god of movement. The Universe loves action. Or as my ancestors might say, when you take one step, God will take two!

If you have a passion; if you have a goal; if you know there is a direction in which you should move or a transition to be made, just take a step. Just make a move. If possible, do a little something everyday. You don’t have to know exactly what the transition or change is, just make some movement. Whether it be symbolic or concrete, just take some action. Allow your faith to be on display. Demonstrate your willingness to move in the flow.

Remember, we are co-creators of our life. We’re in partnership with the Divine and God has already done God’s part. As Marianne Williamson reminds us, there is a file in the spiritual realm named “God’s Will” and it’s simply waiting to be downloaded, but it’s up to us to do so. So, do just that. Start downloading. Move. Act. Take a step. Lean in. Walk forward. Nudge. Push. For…..

This is not the end of our story. Our best days are not behind us; they are ahead of us. The love and peace and joy and blessing of God is ready to be downloaded, but we must act. We must do the downloading. So forget the pain or pleasure of yesterday and don’t get stuck simply daydreaming about tomorrow. Instead, lean in and step up and receive all of the  #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2014, Ray Jordan)

Post #68- Change, Part 2: You Have Everything You Need

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“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the moment.”

 ~Lao Tzu

Are you mad at me yet? If you read the last post you might be, and I understand why? When you have experienced (or are experiencing) tough times, you don’t necessarily want to hear about the purpose behind it. You simply want it to end. However, what I’m suggesting is designed to do just that. Understanding this will not only help you cope with the pain of the past and present, but interrupt the pattern so that you can be freed to live your best life in the future. However, it all begins right now.

As we try to wrap our minds around the chaos that is often our lives, we must engage in meaning-making. I believe that meaning-making, or rather making meaning or sense of who we are in the world, is the most important exercise we can do. Therefore, in doing so we have to consider or reconsider our life experiences, thereby reinterpreting the totality of our lives, including the most difficult moments. Remember, if you change the way we look at things, the things you look at change (Dr. Wayne Dyer). So, perhaps you’re not in trouble, just in transition (Bishop Carlton Pearson).

Positioning ourselves for change requires us to be awake and present for our own life. I, for one, have been guilty of being M.I.A. for life. In the past, when things became difficult or uncomfortable, I simply checked out...both mentally and emotionally, and sometimes physically (men are good at that…we don’t like that which we don’t or can’t do well, so we’re more likely to check out than deal).  Being present for life requires us to live in the now… the right now, as we attempt to best interpret the experiences of yesterday and envision the us of tomorrow.

Let’s be honest. Everything must change. Change is inevitable; it can’t be avoided. So, in order to participate in the change, or better yet evolution of who and what we are, we must have appropriate relationships with the past, present and future. As Lao Tzu’s quote suggests, it’s the only way to have peace.

Firstly, we mustn’t live in the past, for the past has a way of imprisoning us. If we’re not careful, our ego has a way of either romanticizing the past, causing us to fawn over the “good ole days,” or memories of the past can cause us so much pain the ego spends wasted time and energy reliving it while anticipating future pain and thereby deriving ways to avoid it. Both take our attention from the present, the only thing we really have.

Secondly, the future, while seemingly more innocuous, can also cause us to become stuck. The future can either be closely related to the pain of the past, thereby paralyzing us in fear (see above), or it can take our attention from what is needed today as we get stuck in the “some day things will change” or the “one day things will get better” or the “God is gonna’s.” You know those right, God is gonna move/save/heal/bless (or in the South we might say, God is “fixin-to”  ___[fill in the blank]____).  No, let me stop us right here.  God is not “gonna” move or bless. God is moving and blessing, RIGHT NOW.

That brings us to best gift we could be given....because it’s really the only thing we truly have. We have the present. We have been given the power of now. As we reinterpret who we are and how we experience the world and ourselves in that world, we must wake up to what is right now. Don’t sleep on your life, wake up and be fully present.

We must be so in love with our present that we don’t have time to be preoccupied with the past or future. Please don’t get me wrong, the past and future are very important. The lessons of the past have made us who are today (if only we would learn from them), and envisioning a future that is robust with peace and prosperity is the purpose of God’s gift of imagination (which is the point of vision boards, understanding the law of attraction and calling those things that are not as though they were). However, we can’t get lost in either. The past is exactly that and the future belongs to God; but right now is ours. 

We must be fully persuaded and thoroughly convinced that God is working right now, that the universe is rising up to meet us right where we are. So, don’t waste one moment in regret or anxiety about what has been or what might be.  Likewise, don’t panic about what is, but know that if your intention is to move forward, to be the best you you can possibly be, then you have all of the tools necessary to do exactly that. What tools? Just wake up and look, they’re all around you.

I’ll end by simply saying that this life is a journey of discovery, but the funny thing about discovery is that one can only discover something that is already there. Whether it’s an archeologist uncovering artifacts, a treasure hunter excavating a shipwreck or an infant finding her toes, discoveries can only reveal what is already there. Listen to me and listen closely….there is a wealthy place for you…a place of contentment, peace, joy, love and prosperity. Know it, feel it, and now discover it. Know that whatever you need in this process, you already have. Simply be fully present and use the tools within your grasp (even and especially the challenges and difficulties) to discover what’s already there. Whatever you need, you already have right now. For….

This is not the end of our story. Our best days are not behind us; they are ahead of us. Leave behind the depression of the past and the anxiety of the future and reach for the peace of the present. Discover what has always been there on your journey to  #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2014, Ray Jordan)

The Incomparable 

Barbara Streisand 

"Everything Must Change"

Post #67- Change, Part 1: Don't Waste Your Pain

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“The Only Thing that is Constant is Change” 

~Heraclitus of Ephesus

As a child I remember hearing adults describe individuals who otherwise seemed harmless and benevolent but in reality possessed some harmful or dangerous character flaw, as a “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.” I, like most of you, can also remember hearing the proverbial warning, “Everything that Glitters Ain’t Gold” and “Never Judge a Book by its Cover.” All of these, in most cases, are used to describe something or someone that is initially seen or understood as one thing, but in fact may be something very different. As simple or sophomoric as it may sound, this is exactly the image I challenge you to take into the New Year.

I’m not proclaiming myself to be clairvoyant or prophetic (though I believe such abilities exist and I have experienced both), but for the last couple of months I have sensed change in the air. And because I don’t feel I’m the only one who is ready and even desperate for change, I’d like to discuss change, better yet transition, and how it may present itself in our lives (through my own unique lens of course).

In my last post I offered the words of Carlton Pearson, “you’re not in trouble, you’re in transition.” This is where I’d like to start our conversation today. I want to suggest that we readjust the lens through which we see and interpret our life. Meaning, we must first realize that the power to change, the ability to transition from one metaphorical place to another is always at hand. In fact it’s in our hands. There is always a possibility for healing, redemption and higher consciousness that results in a better life. However, it all begins with a shift in perception.

If you have ever heard me speak in a variety settings, it’s likely that you’ve heard me mention this before, because it’s one of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned in my own life. The ability to see what is happening “to” you as actually happening “for” you has the inherent power to offer healing and thereby catapult your life in ways unimaginable. As Wayne Dyer suggests, “if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

This is particularly true as it relates to the most painful experiences of life. I know this is a hard truth and one most of us (me included) don’t always enjoy hearing, but I’d like to suggest that you consider or reconsider your most difficult life experiences. I challenge you to embrace the notion that no pain is wasted. In fact, if we can garner the courage to move beyond the self-centered defense mechanisms of the ego, we’ll find that our most challenging experiences can actually serve a purpose. Yes, indeed, there is purpose and power in our pain.

If I can say it simply, Don’t Waste Your Pain! Don’t spend one drop of energy complaining or feeling self-pity. Don’t spend one precious moment blaming others for anything (even if their actions have offended or hurt you). All of these are ways in which we waste our pain and squander our hardships. Instead, I challenge you to see your circumstances, past and present, differently. Instead, begin seeing your challenges, no matter how painful, as a meeting place between you and the Divine.

No, we wouldn’t haven chosen it or voluntarily wanted to endure it, but do envision life’s difficulties as an invitation to knowingness. What ever hardship, past or present, ask yourself, 1) What has this situation taught me about me; 2) What has this situation taught me about life and lastly 3) What has this situation taught me about God/The Universe/The Divine.

Each difficulty has something to teach. Is every problem designed by “God” to teach us something? I can’t say, but probably not. However, I can say in all certainty that if we allow ourselves to learn from each experience, painful or otherwise, we will emerge enlightened, empowered and wiser for it. Also, I can witness that, in fact, often what we see as a hardship, isn’t that at all, but an opportunity designed to teach us, mold us, strengthen us and lead us to our wealthy place, a place of spiritual, emotional, social and financial abundance. So, don’t be discouraged and don’t misjudge the difficult circumstances of life. In other words, don’t judge the book by its cover.

Life can be hard and our ego spends most of its time dreading and trying to avoid hardship. Understanding this, let’s be intentional about changing our perception. Like me, I’m guessing you’re not out looking for any new problems, but when they come let’s not jump to judgment but let’s consider how our very deliverance might actually be found in the eye of the storm. 

Personally, I fought this spiritual truth for a long time and I still occasionally struggle with the desire for things to be different, or for things to have been different. However, when I do I remind myself that such an endeavor is wasted energy and threatens to waste my pain. Honestly, I’ve been through too much to waste it. I must use it, allowing it to be transformed into a force of power and purpose.

There’s so much more I want to say, but I’m already in danger of making the post too long, so I’ll say more tomorrow and will end today by simply acknowledging that I realize this is, no doubt, a hard truth. It’s not for the weak at heart, but for those who are serious about taking ownership for their own life and are ready for real change.

Change is all around us. We can’t avoid it for it’s truly the only thing that’s constant. So, we can be co-creators of our life and intentional about the change and transition we encounter, or we can rest on the sidelines of life, feeling lost and out control. I choose the former.  For…..

This is not the end of our story. Our best days are not behind us; they are ahead of us. Every experience has value, even the painful ones. We don’t have to freak out; we don’t have to panic, but let’s make a different choice. Let’s be awake and diligent, while listening and looking for all of the #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2014, Ray Jordan)