Post #43- Enough!

I’m learning to let go, ya’ll. I have no time for drama, misunderstandings, grudges, hurt feelings, attitudes or even what one friend of mine calls the “Dallitude” (Dallas’s own attitude, which I think I’ll dedicate a whole blog series to. Geez!). I’m learning to accept what is, be fluid and flexible and teachable and present to the moment, to go with the flow, to allow myself to feel what I feel and be led by my spirit, while to letting go of all of the rest!

Yesterday I lifted a valuable lesson I’ve learned, to let go of my own perception and the notion that I am right and everyone else is wrong. As much as it pains me to admit it, I have been self-righteous, judgmental and arrogant in the past, but as I learned to let it go, my capacity to love both others AND myself grew exponentially. See, anything that we project into the world has much more to do with us and our own internal “stuff” than it does with anyone else. Either “good” or “bad”…positive or negative, whatever energy we’re presenting to the world can be directly traced to what we think and feel and experience within ourselves.

So, with that concept in mind, I turn to the next element of human experience that I encourage to you let go…..perfectionism. First, let me get one thing straight; there is a huge difference between perfectionism and a healthy striving for excellence. We should all show up with our best, in order to do our best. However, perfectionism is much different than that. According to Dr. Brené Brown of the University of Houston, perfectionism is “a cognitive behavioral process, a way of thinking and feeling, that says if I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect and live perfect I can avoid and minimize shame, blame, and judgment.” In other words, perfectionism is most often used as shield of protection, yet it offers no protection but instead serves as a tool of self-loathing and oppression that hides the beauty of our true selves from those around us.

Perfectionism is self-loathing? Yes. See, perfectionists are ultimately afraid that those around us will really see us as we are because we somehow see the real us as unlovable, unworthy, and/or undeserving. In this case, what do many of us do? We hide our self-depreciation by trying to be “perfect.”  Again, another case of what we project into the world being a direct expression of what’s going on inside.

Many of you reading may say, “This ain’t my struggle.” However, let me lift some ways that perfectionism my stick up it’s ugly little head.

·      Being an Over-Achiever. To cover up one part of me or my life, I must over-achieve in another.

·      Vanity. Because I feel badly about myself in some area(s), I overindulge in clothes, shoes, jewelry, accessories and/or makeup…trying to “cover” my true self.

·      Self-Righteousness/Arrogance/Attitude of Superiority. There’s a part of me that I dislike, resent or even hate, therefore I paint a picture of myself as good, perfect, or above reproach in some area (finances, education, sexual purity, etc.).

·      Judgment/Gossip. This is very similar to the aforementioned self-righteousness or arrogance. Because I have presented myself as being above reproach or simply because I feel badly about myself, I will look down on others who don’t meet my standard of “perfection” or “goodness,” often tearing them a part with my actions and/or words.

·      Refusing to Say I’m Sorry or Admit Wrongdoing. Don’t dare accuse me of doing something wrong. Don’t say it’s my fault. I can’t take responsibility for my part; I can’t allow you to see me as anything other than the façade I have created.

Do any of these sound familiar? If I have stepped on your toes at all you might be feeling a little tight or tense. You may even be tempted to leave the blog, but please don’t. These symptoms are a part of a sickness called perfectionism, a malady we must let go. So, just breathe. Allow the realization of truth to come into mind and your body and wash over you. Embrace the discomfort and sit in the vulnerability. Learn from it, and be formed and transformed through it. Make the decision, today…in this moment, that you will let go of perfectionism and practice self-compassion, because you are good enough, worthy enough, and beautiful just as you are. Remember….

This is not the end of your story. Your best days are not behind you; they are ahead of you.  Do your best and strive for excellence in all things, but don’t judge yourself rather love yourself. Let go of the need to be “perfect” and instead trust that you are perfectly flawed.  You don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved by God, just rest in God’s love and open your heart to all of the #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan)