“Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged.”
~ Matthew 7:1
This post will be short and sweet. It’s simply about
judging. Judging what or whom you ask? Judging anything or anyone. I agree with
Buddha in the aspect that most or all of our suffering comes from our own
perceptions of the world, our un-rooted and ungrounded expectations about what
should be or should have been. Through our own ego-driven self-interest and
greed, we bring loads of unnecessary heartache upon ourselves. For pain might
be inevitable in life, but suffering is optional. Therefore, we should refrain
from all dualistic judgment (good vs. bad, beautiful vs. ugly, sacred vs.
secular) and simply experience life, even those moments of pain or discomfort
while learning the lessons that life has to offer us.
Having said that, I recently saw this truth in greater
clarity when considering my own children. To be quite honest, my interests and
expectations, according to some, might be considered a little “siddity” or “bougie.” However, my children couldn’t be
farther from that. Though I do my best to expose them to culture and the arts,
they have not proven to naturally gravitate towards museums, classical music,
and the refined pleasures of life. They don’t quite have the poise I would like
them to have and, to be totally honest, they are not as academically inclined
as I am or I would hope they would be.
So, in consideration of these facts, I have often found
myself “judging” my children, almost looking down on them. Wow, after typing
those words I realize how crappy that sounds, but I committed this blog to
truth-telling and authenticity and I want to honor that commitment. I’m sharing
this to reemphasize that with your children or life in general all and any
judgment should be laid aside to embrace surrender
and trust.
This actually became clear to me recently when I began to
consider the possibility that my son might not go to college and in fact might
simply not be college “material.” While this still disturbs me to even think
about (particularly as a college professor with a Bachelor Degree two Master
Degrees, and is finishing up his PhD) I have decided to surrender my will to
the individuality and authenticity of all people, including my own children. I have
come to clearly understand that they are their own persons with their own
journeys. Likewise, I have certainly not been the world’s most perfect parent,
so as the scripture above suggests, I don’t want to be judged, therefore I will
refrain from judging anyone else, including and especially my own children. I
will surrender to their authenticity
and trust them to God, for God’s love
for them is greater than even my own.
So, I encourage you to
surrender your expectations for your children. See them for who they are and
accept them for who they aren’t. Trust their journeys to God, knowing God’s
wisdom and your loving support will
get them exactly where God would have them be, not where you would have them
be. For….
This is not the end of your
child’s story. Their best days
are not behind them; they are ahead
of them. Know that your child is an
individual and has his or her own path. So, just remember that with your loving
support and acceptance, they’ll be led down the right path for them, and
be positioned to receive all of the #bigthingscoming!
In Surrender and Trust,
~Ray
NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read
my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments
here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash
tag #bigthingscoming.
(Copyright,
2013, Ray Jordan)
*Please take a few minutes to hear this amazing song by contemporary Jazz legend, Diane Reeves!
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