Post #58- Expect Nothing!

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“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.”

~Attributed to Mother Theresa

I know this is going to sound strange to some of you, but consider this. Expectations are probably the most damaging and sabotaging aspect of our lived experience. Yes, you heard/read correctly, expectations. For the last few posts I’ve lifted areas that limit our ability to experience our highest selves and best lives. There is good all around us and it belongs to us, yet too many of us live lives of limitation and meaninglessness, failing to find purpose and passion.  And today, I’m suggesting that we miss the mark because of our expectations.

No doubt, one of the most heart-wrenching human emotions is disappointment. Oh God! I hate being disappointed! There’s nothing worse than having your mind or heart set on something, and it not being or becoming what you….[wait for it]…..expected. Indeed, disappointment is deeply rooted in our sense of expectation, and likewise, our sense of expectation is deeply rooted in our own preconceived notions and ideas regarding any given element of life.

Just think about it. When we have a strong expectation for something, it manages and directs our daily lives and social behavior. Meaning, based on our expectations we begin acting in certain ways and demanding certain things of others (which is what usually gets us in the most trouble).

Expectations are based upon preconceived ideas about what something or someone is supposed to be or suppose to do. In fact, most of those ideas have been preconceived through our prior experiences and it has very little to do with anyone else. Therefore, as we spiritually mature we begin to understand that our ideas are just that….our own ideas, and they don’t necessarily apply to anyone outside of ourselves.

For instance, when our food doesn’t arrive within a certain window of time, we become upset or agitated, because we had an expectation/preconceived notion of what an appropriate wait time should be. When first dating a special someone and they don’t respond in a way we think they should, we often become angry, frustrated and disappointed because we have a preconceived idea about how one is suppose to respond in a dating situation (rather than communicating openly to understand what the other person may or may not be expecting). These are two examples but the list could go on and on.

Often our expectations and preconceived ideas are simply manifestations of an ego gone wild. So, instead of asking “why me,” ask “why not me?” Instead of judging someone’s behavior when it doesn’t meet your expectations, try seeking the other person’s perspective and understanding why they may be doing what they’re doing. And when a particular situation threatens to disappoint, try finding alternative ways of understanding it, ones in which you aren’t the victim.

The bottom line remains, let go of your preconceived notions and try your damndest to take nothing personally. The person who cuts you off in traffic, the clerk who treats you rudely, the significant other who hurts you, the job that lays you off, the family who just doesn’t understand you…..take NONE of it personally. Open your heart and mind to correction…be willing to be proven wrong…take responsibility for any part you played in the drama, but at the end of the day, release others of your expectations and free yourself from the crippling heartache of disappointment; because in the end, the bad behavior of others and the disappointing circumstances probably have nothing to do with you anyway. For…….

This is not the end of your story. Your best days are not behind you; they are ahead of you. Know your preconceived ideas belong to you only, so don’t use them to persecute others inability to meet your expectations. Open your heart to all the good that belongs to you and receive all of the #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan)