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I’ll begin with a disclaimer: THIS POST IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.
Rather, this post is for those who have felt left out, called out, singled out
and pushed out. This post is for those, who like myself, never quite fit in and
struggled to simply be one of the crowd. This post is for those who, though
they pretended well, knew they weren’t quite like everyone else. I have good
news for you! You aren’t like everyone else and in fact, you were never meant
to be like everyone else. You are different, but not simply different for
difference sake; you are different with a purpose.
The last couple of days we’ve talked about authenticity and
the burden we encounter when feeling obligated to live our lives based upon the
expectations of others (see Posts #54 and #55). Today, I want to talk more
specifically about the purpose behind our pain. Meaning, I want to offer
meaning to the experience of not fitting in.
I have recently concluded (after all of these years), that
my inability to fit in has offered me great spiritual insight. I don’t neatly
fit into most established boxes or categories. Likewise, during most of life I
have found myself at the margins of nearly every group and identity, even
within my own family. However, this experience has allowed me to 1) better
understand the plight of those who are very different from myself, 2) more
easily appreciate the perspectives of varying groups and 3) identify with
people, without having to directly experience their circumstances. The
experience of being an outsider has basically placed me in the seat of
“observer” and “student” of humanity, thereby offering me powerful insight into
the human condition, all of which has served me well in my life and vocation as
minister and teacher of spiritual truths (I encourage you examine your life and
discover what gifts being an outsider have provided for you).
However, if I had not learned to stop pushing against who
and what I was, and simply surrender to the truth of my own marginalization, I
would have missed the blessing it came to bestow. I had to realize, that it couldn’t be and in fact can’t be any other
way. I am not like everyone else, and you aren’t either. We must understand
that greatness, while it is a team sport, it’s not a group activity. In other
words, we are interdependent and anyone who has accomplished great things has a
long list of people of whom to thank for helping them along the way. However,
purpose is lonely and solitary and most often misunderstood.
Please, don’t get me wrong. I think everyone has a purpose
and everyone is called to greatness, however, I have recently concluded that
there is a difference among us. This difference shows itself in two ways. First of all, we must acknowledge that
some people simply never heed to the calling of their purpose. Due to reasons
both within and beyond their control, never awaken to their greatness. They,
unfortunately, die having never tapped into the potential that resides within.
However, secondly, (and this has been the most difficult for me to accept), we
are all called to different levels of “success.”
I put this word in quotations because our Westernized idea
of success has become greatly entangled with notions of wealth, fame and
privilege. On the contrary, I deeply believe that success is living out one’s own purpose….whether one ever achieves
the aforementioned external trappings of what society says success looks like.
This has been hard for me to wrap my mind around because within me is great ambition. I have dreams and
hopes and aspirations that (I have come to accept) will extend me and my gifts
to people around the world. Nevertheless, this is not and cannot be the calling or life purpose of everyone.
This became stingingly clear to me in the last few months. I
was in conversation with a family member and was encouraging them to reach
beyond their current job to seek a position in management, though they
adamantly resisted, saying they “just fine.” Me being me, I couldn’t quite understand why one wouldn’t
want to do more, reach higher, achieve greater.
Yet, it dawned on me that everyone had his or her own sacred contract to
fulfill, and clearly it didn’t
involve nor could it involve EVERYONE being in management. I had to
deduce that, yes…, in the words of Dr. King, there is dignity in all work.
That, yes…we, as a society, should ensure everyone had the space, liberty and
opportunity to be the very best they could be. However, no…this does not
necessarily mean everyone will have the personal ambition or internal desire to
be a leader. I had to accept that everyone is not meant to lead.
So, the question
remains, for those of us who do somehow feel led to lead our peers, to walk
ahead of the pack and make some distinct contribution to the collective
good…how do we accomplish it? For me, and I know for many of you, it begins
with the experience of being an outsider. For being a leader means being
misunderstood and at times being lonely.
Risking making this post too long, I must share this with
you! A friend recently posted the following to Facebook. It says volumes:
"Some of us are afraid to
succeed simply because it will mean leaving the group behind. Leaving the group
means you're now out there on your own to try, fail, recover, fail again etc.,
until you finally (hopefully) figure it out. The pursuit of success can be lonely and incredibly
vulnerable. So much so that we often sabotage ourselves when we see it on the
horizon. Most people are meant to be average. That status quo has governed
accordingly for a reason. Making pursuits beyond average all the lonelier.
Steve Jobs describes this as 'product people vs. process people. Jay [Z] calls
it being 'first over the wall'. Compacted, it's Ye 'owning his genius'. The people
who see beyond the status quo. The crazies. Anomalies. And sometimes we play
small because that's the only way to remain in the group. But it's only the people
who challenge the status quo, that change the status quo. You have to leave the
group in order to advance it. The most fruitful explorations are solo or small
group missions, in the hope that everyone waiting at home will benefit from
what you find. Know, while on your mission most of the group expects you to fail.
They're supposed to. Success is beyond their thinking. It's above average. Few people
saw Jobs vision. Jay couldn't get a deal. Oprah & Puff [Sean Combs] were
fired. The average person won't understand the process, only the outcome. My
point is, remaining in the group is futile because the group isn't set up to
support you anyway. You'd have to be less than you really are. And never play
yourself small. Your unwillingness to leave the group might rob the group of
what it needs to advance the average."
WOW!!!!! After that, there’s not much to be said. So, please
remember….
This
is not the end of your story. Your best days are not behind you; they are ahead
of you. We are all meant for greatness in some way or another. We are
all meant to serve humanity in ways big and small. However, some are meant to
lead. It can be lonely and it can be frustrating, but it’s always worth it! So,
are you leader? If so, keep your head up, keep your faith strong, and know
there are #bigthingscoming.
NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read
the first (introductory) post. Also, feel free to post your questions or
comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using
the hash tag #bigthingscoming.
(Copyright,
2013, Ray Jordan)
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