Post #38- Peace!!!!!!

I had planned to use today’s post to share a very intimate spiritual experience I had recently, however both of my daily devotionals lifted peace as their theme today. No doubt, this is due to the anniversary of 9/11; nonetheless as we stand again on the brink of military action (against Syria), I think the message of peace is as important as it’s ever been.

The first devotional reminds us that peace begins within, and the second gives a very practical yet powerful technique as to how we might excavate that peace. I pray you read each carefully, allowing your spirit to be stirred.

In Peace,
~Ray

Devotion #1

Inner Peace

I AM OPEN TO THE PEACE OF GOD WITHIN.

The world does not determine whether or not I am at peace. I am willing to let peace begin with me. Inner peace is a state of mind and heart, one I can choose anytime.

I take time right now to center myself in peace. In a moment of silence, I release any concerns and feel my oneness with God. I relax, breathe deeply, and rest quietly. I pray “Peace, be still!” until I feel peace in every fiber of my being.

Beginning my day with a peaceful heart, I become a channel of peace, opening the way for peaceful encounters in the hours ahead. I set the intention to bring awareness to my thoughts, words, and actions throughout the day and to stay centered in peace.

For God is a God not of disorder but of peace. —1 Corinthians 14:33

Devotion #2

“My peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.” John 14

A Word of Hope
Centering Prayer can be a powerful spiritual practice. It is silent prayer, but not just verbally silent; it seeks to quiet the mind, to help us let go of the clutter of thoughts that can be so distracting. It is designed to help us come into communion with our loving and gracious God through silence.

So many people in our world have abandoned religion, discarded church-going, rejected Christianity (or other major religions) because they look at the world and see the obvious damage done in the name of religion. Yet I believe that at the core of what it means to be human there remains a longing for the holy, a hunger for connection with Something More, as William James put it. The world’s major religions disagree about the nature of the holy, but they all give witness to that which is divine, and each has its own way of experiencing divinity through some kind of contemplative prayer or practice. Such contemplative practices can reach beyond theological, even linguistic, differences. In the silence there is peace.

For Christians, Centering Prayer has its roots in a 14th century work called The Cloud of Unknowing written by an anonymous English author. The method is easy. (And not easy.) For 20 minutes, we simply sit with eyes closed, taking some deep breaths, and move into the silence, quieting our minds of thought. Of course, since it’s a practical impossibility to quiet the mind, we choose a word as a symbol of our intention to simply be present and fully open to God. Then, each time we become aware that we are thinking, we gently return to the word we’ve chosen to symbolize our intention. I often use the phrase “Here I Am, Lord,” or just “Here I am.” I know of others who choose words like amen, or Holy One, or peace, or, actually, the word itself doesn’t matter, as long as your word helps you return to your intention to be aware, awake, present and open to God.

Some people have amazing experiences during the time of silence; others simply find it relaxing. Whatever your experience of Centering Prayer, it's a spiritual practice that has the potential to really help us find peace…..

Prayer 
Gracious and Loving God, whatever our method of honoring you, praying to you, being with you, give us the determination and courage to give some or our day to you. Amen

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan)

Post #37- I Can't Believe I Said That!

 "A Drunk Man Tells No Lies" ~Unknown

For the past several days I’ve been talking about feelings and how we can use our emotions to lead and instruct us (see posts from September 5 and 6). Yesterday I shared my thoughts and “feelings” around the death and funeral of a friend who was recently murdered, and today I’d like to offer another example of how I have personally confronted uncomfortable emotions, yet allowed them to actually teach me something about myself.

Saturday evening, after having attended my friend’s funeral, I was scheduled to attend the birthday party of another dear friend, being hosted in his home. Needless to say, I needed the relaxation, so the music blared and the libations freely flowed and I found myself having a BLAST….well that is until I found myself being physically threatened.

Now, I am damn near a pacifist (due to all that “non-violent” philosophy of Dr. King I’ve ingested over the last few years for my PhD studies), so the very fact that I overheard someone ridiculing me and threatening to “whip his [my] ass,” had me, at the very least, taken a back.

I honestly try to live my life in non-judgment, in peace and genuine love for all people; however, (to make a long story short) I made a joke that was taken wrongly and consequently offended one of the other party guests. I did go back to the person and offer a sincere apology, after which we hugged and “squashed” it. However, there are a few things that really troubled me about the whole situation.

It bothered me so much, that as I lay in bed the next day, taking a much needed Sunday afternoon nap, the mere memory of the event created such anxiety and unease that I immediately fell back into the old pattern of “stuffing” my feelings. Meaning, I pushed away the discomfort and vulnerability, trying to shut down the memory/thoughts that initiated these uncomfortable emotions. However, as I gathered myself, allowed myself to “feel” the feelings, I began asking the questions I suggested to you in my September 6 post: “What am I feeling….Why am I feeling it; and…..what is it telling me about me?”

In this specific case, I discovered:

1. One of the things I overheard this person saying was that I was “irrelevant.” I can’t be sure exactly what context he was referring, but in my consciousness, being “irrelevant” equates to unnecessary…..unimportant…..discounted……devalued….and essentially unworthy. For me, being unworthy….being the last one picked for the  basketball team, being the odd man out, being cast aside and belittled and ridiculed is a trigger from my childhood as I struggled with always being the only African-American kid and the barrage of racism received daily as well as the deep shame I experienced due to my sexuality. “Overhearing” the sneers of a peer initiated an emotional trigger from my childhood that touched me in a place that has been wounded. LESSSON: This wound is not completely healed, or not in a way that I’d like it to be….so more work to do.

2. This incident bothered me so much because it made me very disappointed in myself. When I overheard this person speaking ill of me, instead of immediately apologizing then, rising above my ego to offer peace, my alcohol influenced reaction was to be condescending and arrogant. I turned and said to him, “I’m irrelevant??? No, you’re irrelevant. If you only knew who I was.” What the HELL!!! I can’t believe I said that! Yes, I believe God has called me to greatness. Yes, I believe I have a purpose as well as gifts and talents to help me accomplish it. And yes, I’ve worked very hard to attain an education and other criteria to aid me in that purpose. However, it is categorically against my core values to believe that I am better or above anyone else (again all that Kingian philosophy regarding human dignity and value of all human personality). LESSON: I strongly believe that a drunk tells no lies, so if I said it in an alcohol-influenced state, somewhere in me I believe that I am somehow “above” this person.  Damn!!! More work to do!

3. After I came to the conclusion of the first two, I still “felt” there was something else nagging at me (although I thought, “Lord, the first two are enough…geez!”). Then, in quiet thought and honesty, it became clear to me. This person was speaking to another very good friend of mine (and I don’t have that many). Someone I hold in high regard. Not only was he embarrassing me in front of someone I care about, but that friend did nothing to counter it or defend me. He just listened as my character was being assaulted and I was being humiliated. Again, this beckons to my feelings of being alone, of being devalued, and being “irrelevant,” even to those I thought I could call friend….and that hurts. LESSON: Well, I’m not sure exactly what this lesson is. Is it that this “friend” has been revealed as someone who isn’t my “true” friend? I doubt it, because I believe lessons are primarily about us. Possibly this aspect of the incident is to challenge me regarding what I would do in a similar situation. In other words, what kind of friend am I? How would I have reacted in a similar situation? Yea, that sounds more like God.

At this point I hope you’re still reading, ha! I know this was a little lengthy but I hope by hearing me unpack my stuff, it will help you unpack yours. Because in the end, I simply want to remind you….

This is not the end of your story. Your best days are not behind you; they are ahead of you.  Don’t stuff your feelings, don’t numb your emotions but embrace them for what they are. Allow them to teach you about you, preparing you for all of the #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan)

Post #36- Artegus Madden: Here's to You Girl!

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

~Attributed to Dr. Seuss, printed on the front cover of Artegus Madden’s funeral program.

Most people hate funerals, but I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no masochist nor do I receive pleasure in the heartbreak or grief of others, however I have always seen life as a storyline, a narrative unfolding, in both ordinary and unexpected ways. Therefore, I think, if done well, funerals and memorials are best used to tell the “story” of someone’s life, including all of the triumphs, pain, laughter and unforeseen blessings of life’s journey (I utterly reject the evangelical “get ‘em saved” versions of funerals and eulogies, in which the loved ones of the deceased are subjected to proselytization rather than encouragement and inspiration wrapped in the celebration of their loved one’s life).

This year I have experienced the deaths of several people close to me, most of which were unexpected. These included a dear professor and mentor of mine, a friend killed in a car accident, and my beloved grandmother who raised me. However, the most recent was the murder of a dear friend. It was, clearly, tragic and unanticipated, yet it affected me in ways for which I was not prepared. As with any death, but particularly that of a peer (and it didn’t help we were the same age), we are often prompted to face our own mortality and even reevaluate our lives. Although I engage these activities more than the average person (for goodness’ sake I teach collegiate courses in philosophy and write this blog), this death required me to go deeper and “feel” more intently.

My last few posts have included this notion of “Feel….Deal….Heal.” I have encouraged us to unpack what it really means and have spent some time chiefly around the idea of feel and feeling. I have used this forum to encourage us to literally “feel” the feelings, allowing the emotions to move and be, while discouraging the fine art of stuffing and numbing our emotions, which has become an American pastime. So, as any good teacher does, I wanted to model this in my own internal life as I both celebrated the life of my dear friend, while yet mourning the cruel act that took her from us.

May I begin by simply saying that Artegus Madden was a gift to those who knew her. She was what is commonly known as a transwoman, or a person born biologically male yet experiences what psychiatrists have called “gender identity disorder” or what has more recently been termed “gender dysphoria” (a transman would be one who on the contrary was born female yet transitioned to “being” male). In other words, what one sees in the mirror (physical body) does not match how one experiences oneself within (brain/self-idenity doesn’t match the equipment). 

The trans world is a complex one, no doubt, with a variety of terms, understandings and ways of being in the world. So, it’s easy to understand why the “T” within the LGBT community is often the forgotten and misunderstood. Moreover, as a member of this community, may I also include that they are also often the most shamed. The regular run-of-the-mill gay person doesn’t necessarily understand her or his transgendered  brother and sister anymore than the heterosexual world does, so we can often be guilty of joining the world in its shaming and blaming and gawking and taunting of transgendered persons.

When I first moved from Arkansas to Dallas in 2005, Artegus was one of the first friends I met, and definitely the first transgendered person I had ever met or known. So, you can imagine my interest in how “her” story would be told during the funeral. May I say, her family and the Red Oak Missionary Baptist Church of Longview, Texas did a remarkable job of telling it. Some used male pronouns, others used female, but no one seemed to flinch. The pictures used to memorialize her were both of her little “boy” preadolescent self and her adult young “woman” self while pictorially displaying the transformation in between. And the pastor, while he didn’t speak to the beauty of her life (he didn’t really know her well enough to do so), he referenced the exceptional remarks that had been made by her friends and family and then proceeded to offer a moving and inspirational eulogy aimed at comforting the family in their loss. All and all….job well done!

So, where do me and  my “feelings” fit into all of this? My task was simply to stay present. Though I wanted to be reflective on Aretegus’ life and what our friendship meant to me, I also wanted to be available to the experience, allowing my e-motions (energy in motion) to do exactly that…to move in and through, to form and transform as God saw fit. When I felt tempted to numb my feelings through distraction, I stopped myself. Likewise, when I was tempted to stuff my feelings, fighting back the tears (especially at the sight of her slightly deformed corpse), I reminded myself of this blog and my own words, and thereby experienced an authentic reaction that allowed the tears to flow.

After the funeral a friend sent me a text that stated:

“I felt like you embodied how I felt on the inside today. You carried and released the tears I needed to let go of. Thank you for being present. I love you dearly.”

Again, Artegus was a gift to me and all who knew her; and even at her funeral, her life and her courage to live it authentically was still teaching anyone available to receive the lesson. I don’t know what the end of my life’s story will be, none of us do. Yet, I am convinced that life is indeed a story of love and laughter as well as pain and sorrow, and it is our job to simply be available to it, because…..

This is not the end of our story. Our best days are not behind us; they are ahead of us.  So, let’s live in a way that honors our authenticity and gives our loved ones tons of good stories and memories to share at our funeral. In other words, let’s life like there are #bigthingscoming.

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan) 

Post #35- Advancing the Dream

As we celebrate the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington and Dr. King's dream, I was honored to be part of a discussion with MSNBC to articulate what that dream means for the 21st century. Enjoy and let me know what you think by commenting below!

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan)

Post #34- Feeling Myself!

As a child I always had a heart for the little guy….the underdog.  If I were honest, it’s likely because I identified with being misunderstood and the outsider. In fact, when everyone else loved Mickey (Mouse, that is), you could count on me to be on Team Donald! I can even remember being in knots, nearly to the point of tears, as Dumbo (the elephant) was jeered and humiliated by the crowd, ha! While the grown up me can laugh at those memories, there’s actually something I can learn from the 5 year old me. From an early age, I knew how to feel, and in some ways I’m trying to fully recapture that ability.

In today’s blog, I continue unpacking the “Feel” from the popular prescription of “Feel…Deal….and Heal” and in doing so I want to simply articulate how important it is to do just that…actually feel the emotions as they bubble up within us.

Yesterday’s post encouraged us to actually see the reality of our situation and to accept it for what it was (as a precursor to actually trying to change it or do anything about it), and in doing so I want to briefly add that we should actually feel the emotions that come with that realization.

See, before we can deal or heal any situation or part of ourselves (as the model describes), we must first feel it. Yes, a part of “feeling” actually means to acknowledge/accept the reality of what it is and then it means to literally feel the emotions this reality ignites. Sounds easy enough, right? It is pretty easy because it’s the natural flow of our consciousness, however most people are:

 1. Not awake to the true emotions they’re experiencing, often confusing them with other motives and feelings. We often wrestle with our internal life (but as I reminded us a couple of days ago, as we are on the inside, so our life will be on the outside). This leaves us not knowing what we want or what we need and how to tell the difference between the two. We’ve refused to accept, i.e. tell ourselves the truth about what really is; therefore we unconsciously harbor hidden motives and false pretenses. Instead, we must get clear about what it is we really intend for ourselves and for each action we take…we must get clear about the “stuff” that’s going on inside of us, and if we’re feeling anxiety, envy, trepidation, or fear (for example), we must recognize it and then get clear why it’s there and what it can teach us about ourselves.

2. Secondly, most people are made so uncomfortable or vulnerable by what they feel that they try to stuff or numb the emotion. We frequently hold the emotion, trying to control what it is and how it is experienced. We often do this by numbing…through shopping, eating, gossip, criticism, complaining, arguing, abusing drugs or overindulgence in alcohol, sex, etc. All of these are ways we try to stuff or numb our feelings. On the contrary, emotions are not suppose to be stifled, they are suppose to come….be experienced and then move through us. They are literally “e”nergy in “motion,” or e-motions. However, when we fear them, hold on to them, stuff them, try to control them or numb them, we hold them captive, only to allow them to do damage to our spiritual, mental and even physical self.

While we live in a society that often tells us to mask our true emotions or deny them their rightful place in our human experience, emotions are healthy and can be VERY helpful in figuring out what it is we really want and need along this journey. So, I suggest that you LITERALLY  “feel.” Feel the full joy, pain, excitement, or devastation of whatever experience you encounter. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Then ask, “Why am I feeling it” And also, “What is it telling me about me?”

Take it from me, getting quiet with yourself and really examining what you feel will be of immense help on your path to healing, clarity and wholeness.  For….

This is not the end of your story. Your best days are not behind you; they are ahead of you.  You must be aware of your feelings and thereby allow them to move through you, not remain hostage to do damage within us. Don’t let them simmer and boil over rather recognize them and experience the fullness of them, learn from them and allow them to move through you, leading you on the way to dealing and healing and all of the #bigthingscoming.

“Feeling” Myself,

~Ray

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan) 

Post #33- Feel

"Call a thing a thing people!" ~Iyanla Vanzant

FEEL--> DEAL --> HEAL. This has become a popular adage in recent years that helps to articulate the process to living lives that are full and whole and healed and healthy. Although this statement was coined to simplify the spiritual, mental, and emotional healing process, I can’t agree that it meets that objective. I can concur to the overall flow of that this model represents, however, I think it falls prey to the same problem that many others do when to express a spiritual truth in a simple cliché. It remains well intentioned, yet offers only a shallow explanation to those of us who really seek to evolve, grow and become the very best “us” we can be.

So, in looking at this paradigm of healing, I don’t profess to be “the” authority or even an expert in all things Feel, Deal and Heal, yet I would like to contribute my 2 cents, that, if added to the contributions of others, might help offer a fuller, more complete picture of what it really means.

I’d like to start with (and possibly end with) the first step…. “FEEL.” There have been volumes written about how to “deal” with uncomfortable situations. There is a plethora of voices, both spiritual and secular, offers tips and techniques that instruct us on dealing with our past while managing our present. There are probably an equal number of resources that offer idyllic examples of what a “healed” life might look like. However, I think you’d be hard pressed to actually find many meaningful sources that aid us in how to first “feel” before we can deal or heal.

We live in a society that often robs us of feeling.  It’s seems to tell women what and how to feel, and in return it disapproves of men feeling anything at all (or at least it doesn’t give men permission to express that which they feel, especially if it’s not a traditionally masculine emotion such as anger).  While there is a lot to say, may I begin by simply offering acceptance as a place to start?

I have learned the hard way to simply “accept.” I am a “pull yourself up by the boot straps” kind of person. In fact this was told to me through a  ‘prophesy’ or word of knowledge given by a Pentecostal evangelist when I was 18 years old. At the time I wasn’t sure what she meant, yet, as my life has unfolded, it has become painfully aware that this has been a pattern that has shown itself time and time again.  Granted, I have an old-fashioned country work ethic. I have never been afraid of hard work and have worn this fact as a badge of honor. However, another word for this attribute is “head-strong” or “stubborn.” If I see something or want something I work tirelessly to get it….even to the detriment of myself and family. Without consulting the Spirit or flow of my life, I have forced many square pegs into circle holes.

My strong work ethic, aka stubbornness, has consistently resulted in a tiresome, weary life full of denial and regret. Instead of accepting what is, fully seeing and recognizing the truth, my truth, I have spent many years denying what was staring me in the face, to only be convinced if I worked hard enough I could make “it” somehow different from what was.

So, today I ask you to look around…take survey of your life. What have you been in denial of? What, if you were acknowledged what you really knew deep within, is the truth of the situation? What is it? Ok, hold that thought….sit with that emotion, and accept it.

Accepting it doesn’t mean you have to like it, nor does it mean you don’t desire to change it. But before you can genuinely feel (much less deal and heal) you must first accept. To feel is to first accept. Accept without regret; accept without wallowing or loosing yourself in the pain of the past or present, or without being paralyzed by the fear of the future. Accept means to see it, tell the truth about it, do your best not to judge it, and remain present for whatever experience that truth comes to bring you.  For to deny and resist and fight what is, does not help you, for after any natural disaster, no clean up or recovery effort can begin until a full survey of the damage has been assessed. To deny that the storm has occurred or that the injury exists is, for a lack of better words, foolish and no doubt, self-sabotaging.  So, remember….

This is not the end of your story. Your best days are not behind you; they are ahead of you.  You must feel before you can deal and heal, but with feeling comes fully accepting the reality of what is without the unnecessary judgment or drama. For, accessing and thereby accepting the truth of our lives won’t destroy us, but only strengthen us for all of the #bigthingscoming.

Feeling and Accepting,

~Ray

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan)

Post #32- There's No Place Like Home!

It’s been a WHILE since my last post. Life got busy this summer and the time seemed to get away from me. Since we’ve last spoken on this platform so much has happened in the world including the George Zimmerman verdict, the 50^th anniversary of the March on Washington and recent events around the world, including the conflict in Syria and the debate surrounding U.S. involvement. Believe me, I have had thoughts about it all, however haven’t had the time (or haven’t made the time) to share them with you. Throughout the year I have also experienced personal loss, including my beloved grandmother who raised me, a professor (and friend) of mine, as well as two very dear friends, one of whom was murdered just this weekend. Again, while I’ve had many thoughts surrounding these personal happenings and how I’m coping, I haven’t shared them. However, I’ve MISSED YOU and would like to reengage, creating a dialogue that is enriching and healing for us both.

After the George Zimmerman trial, I attended a community rally. While there I saw someone with a sign that read, “We are the only hope we have.” This resonated with me because I deeply believe that we must not only be the change we’d like to see in the world (as Gandhi said), but “we” are the “only hope” for change that the world has. It’s much like the great spiritual teaching of the Wizard of Oz…..in the end Dorothy realizes she had the power all along.

I believe, when I am functioning in my greatest good and highest self, I am a teacher of spiritual principles (and have been most all of my life…some of my earliest memories are of my 7 and 8 year old self teaching my peers in Sunday School). However, through the art of teaching I sometimes consider myself a “reminder.” The best spiritual teaching, in my estimation, is to simply remind one of what their soul already knows.  So, if we need the power to change our circumstances, to change the world, or to simply do better and be better, we must only look within ourselves…for life is an exercise of diffusion, an osmosis or moving that which resides on the inside, out.

If within you resides fear, manifesting in bitterness, jealousy, anger, resentment and feelings of insecurity. Then these emotions and states of being will create that reality in your life. On the contrary, if you start from a place of love, that is, community, faith, service, commitment, non-judgment and feelings of belonging, peace, joy, abundance and empowerment…then you will in turn create that reality.

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news (in this case, not really… lol), but there is no superhero coming to save the day, no knight-in-shining-armor…no savior. While you may be waiting on God, I’m here to tell you that God is waiting on you. So, if you’ve been knocked down, stand up! If you’ve been setback, comeback! If you are tired of yourself, your community or the world, then get about changing it. Where should you start? Look within yourself to find what’s missing in the world/your life, and then get about the business of expressing it! And, when you look inside, if you can’t find the world needs more of, then you’ve got some “work” to do J.  In the end, I simply want you to know that….

This is not the end of your story. Your best days are not behind you; they are ahead of you. You are the superhero, the incredibly brilliant, capable, competent, wonderfully and fearfully made extension of the Divine, here to save the day. You are the wonderful Wizard of  ________ (fill in your city). As Dorothy did, just look down (or in our case, within) for you’ve always had the answer and its there to remind you there are #bigthingscoming!  

NOTE: If you’re new to the site it might be helpful to read my first introductory post. Also, feel free to post your questions or comments here and you can always reach out to me on Twitter @raycjordan using the hash tag #bigthingscoming.

(Copyright, 2013, Ray Jordan)